Our 31+ year marriage has changed my life in all the best ways, most importantly through our two children. For that reason, Iâd have to regard our wedding invitation as good a place as any to start an intended series on treasured objects.
The picture was drawn by one of Andreaâs pupils, a girl or boy who would now be in their late thirties, so it wonât be a surprise that a sense of fun and playfulness is one of the things that she brought to our relationship. In preparing to write this, I was relieved when counting the digits on each of our hands that the tally is correct, and whoever did the drawing must have had some prescience about my future predilection for occasionally wearing hats.
We selected Friday the 13th for our nuptials, in January 1995 (we were then 28 years old). It probably says something for our sense of adventure that we chose the date without being concerned about superstitious connotations. Stay with me, because thus far, Iâve given you what may be some of the least remarkable background to us getting married.
When I say I âpoppedâ the question, thatâs exactly how my proposal went. We were leaving a dinner party late in October 1994, standing outside in the moonlight about to get into our respective cars, when the words came tumbling out of my mouth. Iâd thought about it, but I wasnât necessarily planning a proposal just yet. Andrea said yes, although she remained disbelieving for days afterwards. It took a week before she would let us tell anyone.
Her mother, Pam, hadnât met me, in fact, she wasnât even aware of my existence, so that must have a somewhat shocking phone call for her. Bearing in mind that Pam was getting this information pretty much at the start of November, it was a great unkindness on our part to have chosen a wedding day just 10 weeks hence. To her everlasting credit, she got on with organising everything without even a peep of complaint. She also didnât complain that we invited something like 250 people to the wedding. Mothers-in-law like that are keepers!
At the time, Buitenverwachting Wine Estate in Constantia was home to the top fine dining restaurant in Cape Town and Andrea had waitressed there from the time she was a student. We thought it would be lovely to be married in the beautiful gardens at Buitenverwatching, which was bit of a stretch, as no weddings had previously been held there. We were extremely fortunate that the proprietor, Lars Maack, allowed us to use the venue, but he was then faced with having to close the restaurant for the night because of all the staff being guests at the wedding.
Seeing as this was mid-summer, our plan was to set the tables up under the oak trees, but with an adverse weather forecast the day before, we made a last minute call to friends in the events business to put up a marquee. The rain never arrived, and it stayed so hot that the Croquembouche we ordered as a wedding cake kept collapsing, ending up more disheveled heap than the tower it was supposed to be.
Now would be a good time to tell you that Andrea has 24 yearsâ experience in catering and managing all kinds of events, having left teaching when our daughter, Sophie, was born in 1996. The simmering sense of chaos that was present throughout so much of our wedding organisation is not in any way a reflection of what happens at her clientsâ events. She has built Dish Food & Social into a mainstay of the events industry, even getting flown to the World Economic Forum (Davos) and Golden Lions (Cannes) to run the catering for some of the worldâs biggest corporates.
Her starting Dish in 2002 was a natural progression from the hosting and cooking we did for friends, with guest lists decided at the last minute, generally in units of dozens. Itâs no surprise that we had 20 dozen people at our wedding.
While Andrea was years ago from discovering a future career as a caterer, I had started Wine Warehouse in 1993, a core element of which was my own labels. In the latter part of 1994 I was deep into the manual disgorgement, corking and labelling of 100,000 bottles of mĂ©thode champenoise sparkling wine. The popping of champagne corks at the end of the ceremony was particularly poignant, because it was the product weâd worked 24/7 to get ready for the Christmas (and wedding) season. Stand by for a future Treasured Objects post relating to this project.
Possibly the only traditional part of the wedding was Andrea getting married in a white dress (not a meringue). Guests were seated outside the marquee for the ceremony, and she walked down the aisle to the sound of a Xhosa choir. Our vows were exchanged before the local Unitarian minister, whom we asked to read out Kahlil Gibranâs On Marriage.
My speech included mention of Andreaâs pathological over catering of rice. This hasnât changed, but luckily, we have a shared dislike of rice pudding, so the leftovers are generally brought back to life as egg fried rice. Thanks to our friend Daryl making a video of the event, which she painstakingly edited using multiple VCRs cabled together, and my sister-in-law later converting her copy onto memory stick after ours succumbed to a VHS clear-out, my children recently heard my original voice for the first time since 2006.
An important element of our wedding that fell into the canyon of unplanning was our first dance. We hadnât thought to select a song, so someone selected for us. Wet Wet Wetâs Love Is All Around was appropriate, having recently been on the soundtrack for Four Weddings and a Funeral, but it was peak cheese and probably the last song we would have chosen ourselves. Brown Eyed Girl has always been my âAndrea songâ, although it may not have been as appropriate for both of us.
The child artist could have drawn us holding hands, but inadvertently carried out Gibranâs âlet there be spaces in your togethernessâ. Similarly, the outstretched arms may have been intended as the deep-in-love couple getting ready to embrace. Iâm also seeing two people with expansive arms and oversized hands ready to grab whatever life throws at them. Or maybe ready to catch each other â or others â in moments of need.
Andrea and I both have a habit of saying yes to opportunities, generally charging at new projects â or life in general â with a high level of energy that has retained the same sense of innocence, fun and playfulness that thrust us into each otherâs arms all those years ago. Our shared approach to life is dynamic, but it also means that there are times we overextend (which is one of the reasons we donât work together). When that happens, we can draw on resourcefulness and resilience to make up for any shortcomings in planning to save the day.
The commitment to this life was made at our wedding, so Treasured Object number one is the invitation.
The idea for this series came from Kim Fosterâs beautiful piece, Living in the Objecthood.